7 Things to Do When Your Life is Falling Apart, Literally...




1) Scream in your car with all the windows up so no-one can hear you. They might see you, but with any luck they will think you are only singing with feeling. This is incredibly invigorating and refreshing if done properly, trust me. If you are feeling like a pathetic and miserable victim of this cruel joke called life, it is especially helpful to scream " I WANT MY POWER BACK!" at the top of your lungs while in the privacy of your car. Doing this has two pay-offs--instead of feeling sorry for yourself you feel like a looney-toon, and you also can't help but laugh hysterically, which relieves the tension somewhat.

2) Try to put things back together again. Like my car--which seems to be where 95% of my life takes place-- which is falling apart. On my trip to Pensacola the oil light came on, even though I had topped it off before driving up there. This means that in three days I lost four quarts of oil. Ummm, I guess it really IS time to suck it up and go take her to the shop. And today a nice friend of mine replaced my battery, which had been reminding me that it was three breaths away from dead each morning when I was forced to use psychic brain power to start my car because the battery obviously wasn't going to do it. Chug chug, chug chug, chug chug, chug chug. So while the battery problem is now fixed, he noticed that my radiator hose was bulging like a ballon and is likely to blow at any moment. Just to depart the frustration and desperation that I have been experiencing lately, I want to tell you how I arrived at the auto parts store tonight about three minutes after closing. They literally locked the doors and turned off the lights as I was parking. But I would not be turned away. I banged on the doors and they came to let me in and were nice about it but then I realized that my wallet was not in my purse and I only had 33 cents so I babbled a confused apology and went back to my car, rolled up the windows, and screamed.

3) Ignore all of your problems and do something fun. This actually isn't a really helpful thing to do, but sometimes it can buy you an hour of two of relief in return for the same measure of guilt.

4) Call a friend. Then you realize that you aren't the only one whose life seems out of control. Your friends are also debating serious problems--like which club or bar to go to, which movie to see, what to do with all of their free time. If you are really lucky you will get a friend who actually does have a problem more serious than your own, and then you feel like a jerk for being so stuck inside your own small world.

5) Curl up on the couch and watch a movie while demolishing boxes of mint-chocolate chip ice cream and cheez-its.

6) Count your blessings.

7) Go to the batting cages and whack about 90 balls. The next day, your body will be so sore that you will feel deliriously relieved and relaxed.

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Okay, so I'm obviously not in the best state of mind lately. It's just that everything is coming on so quickly, and I'm not ready for it! Each week my car is diagnosed with a new disease, something important in my house breaks, and I'm getting sleepier and sleepier. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't the only adult in this family--it's not easy single-handedly fulfilling the insatiable needs of a toddler while working and going to school.

I want to make something of myself, but I just can't go that extra mile when I've run around in circles all day.

I feel like a bowl of cereal that is sitting in milk slowly turning to mush.
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On the up side, I think am going to teach Quinn's spanish class at his private school in a sort of trial lesson. Wanda, his teacher, has invited one other prospect to do a trial lesson as well, and she will decide between the two of us who will teach spanish to the kids next year. The job only requires 2 days a week, and it pays well. If I can get my schedule MWF, then it will fit perfect. I can't wait to teach--this other girl may speak better spanish than me, but I know I am more fun and probably a better teacher. Besides, where my speaking skills lapse, I can bring in mexicanos que yo conosco.

On the up up side, I know that this is just a phase, and as soon as my car is fixed I'll be my normal self again. My car is like a part of my body--when it is not well, neither am I. Unfortunately, I abuse the hell out of the machine. I would trade my left arm for a resident mechanic--someone to change my oil, to fix and putter and gage and inspect, to change air filters and replace belts and hoses, to lovingly inspect each orifice of my car and restore her, and me, to health.