Bed-Wrestling

*Ouch!* Egad! * &*^$!

When Issac manages to crawl into my bed at 5:30 am, I am far too lazy to get up and put him back where he belongs. He is only two years old, but he is the ultimate bed-wrestler (far my superior--and I can get blankets away from ANYONE). I'm not entirely sure what his goal is: to comfort himself? To ensure that I don't "escape?" To cause the ultimate amount of pain with his minutely small toes and fingers? My goal is to position myself on three inches of mattress and hope that I can fall back to sleep before he pushes me off the bed or kills me, whichever comes first.

He has become quiet the contortionist. Here are a few of his favorite bed-wrestling moves (I've named them):

A. The Heel-hook: Lying on his stomach, he rotates one leg 90 degrees and hooks it over my side, fiercly digging the heel of his foot between my ribs.

B. The Shuffle: Lying on his stomach or his back, he lifts both legs, and leading with pointed toes, he inserts them between my thighs. Then, once his feet are "in," he moves the foot to a 90 degree angle with his leg and proceeds to pantomime (with his feet) the motions of pedaling a bicycle.

C. The Creeping Hand: Lying on his stomach, Issac extends his arm from his body at a 90 degree angle. Then, flattening his hand and leading with the fingers, he sticks his hand under my body. The hand is retracted and inserted several times to create maximum irritation. For variation, he sometimes aims higher and pokes my ribs.

D. The Fumigator: This one speaks for itself. He sidles up really close to my nose (1/16 inch), and then opens and begins breathing heavily through his mouth. He takes time to smack and cough for variation.

E. The Choke: The classic choke-hold. He takes one arm and slings it around my neck, then moves his wrist in towards his shoulder. He is absolutely relentless.

F. Sidewinder: He sleeps sideways on the bed, being sure to stretch his body to its ultimate length. He raises his arms above his head to take up maximum space. If I reposition him perpendicular to the headboard, he immediately resumes his horizontal position.